Approved!

Among the chaos of the holidays, I'm trying to keep several things in perspective:

1. The holidays are meant to be spent with those you love and not focused completely on those you long for. However, a dear friend reminded me that our holidays will always include "the presence of absence." This is especially true for us as our first two precious children are in heaven with our Lord Jesus Christ...but this year, I realize that there's the absence of the child that we're adopting. Without even knowing whether or not he or she is even born yet, something in our holidays will miss them. Without even knowing when he or she will join our family, something is missing. It's amazing to me that 3 months and 1 week ago, I didn't even know we'd have another child...it's taken less than 4 months to realize...something is missing.
2. Recognizing what's missing also helps me to focus on what's not missing. I have a lovely home that's already bursting with Christmas presents and decorations. I have a wonderful husband of nearly 14 years, who more than likely won't be spending next Christmas with us, but instead serving our country. I have a beautiful little girl who is in awe of the holidays and learning more about why we celebrate this time of year. I have the opportunity to visit extended family and friends throughout the season and all of these things mean that "I have a lot!"
3. I'm also realizing the importance of acceptance...our forever child will long to be accepted by our family and friends completely. It's our job to create an environment of awareness and love that makes that as natural as breathing.
4. Finally, there are few greater words than "you're approved"! On the way out the door for a long weekend visiting friends, I received the call that our home study was completed and approved by our agency! I've since received the originals and sent one out to complete yet another step in the process of completing our dossier. However, it's surreal...only 3 months ago I was lamenting about the overwhelming amount of documents and forms I had ahead of me. Now, I can count on one hand those that remain to be completed. We're close...well, we're close to the waiting part.

And for all of these "perspectives," I'm thankful. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

National Adoption Month...

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."

I read this first in a book I'm reading from the library and then again on a friend's Facebook posting this morning. It's surreal. All of my children--Caleb, August, Madison, and our Forever Child--have first been born in my heart, desired for so many years through infertility and then bed rest and then loss and finally miraculously born. However, the difference is that it was so hard to keep the first three growing under it. Our Forever Child has been or will soon be or is already under another woman's heart...growing there, while still growing in my heart.

I pray that all my children, both living and not, both biological and adopted, know that they were first known by our Lord Jesus before they were knit together in mine or another woman's womb. That Jonathan and I desired them, prayed for them, and loved them before they were ever conceived. That we pray we continue to be good parents to them whether preparing for their arrival, training them to live for the Lord, or honoring their memories while they live on in heaven.

As we enter National Adoption Month, I'm thrilled to be nearly completed with our dossier--minus our completed home study, FBI clearance, and psychological evaluations--and that adoption is becoming more and more real to us as we complete each step. However, I step back and realize that we're all adopted in God's family. Thank you Lord for creating adoption and for giving us the opportunity to welcome another child into our homes and born in our hearts. Happy National Adoption Month everyone!

Done...for now.

It's shouldn't come as a shock that as soon as I write a very optomistic posting like my last one that I would hit a brick wall. It never fails that as soon as you're excited and feel like you're about to accomplish something really big, that someone or something gets in your way. That's what happened with our home study documents.

However, we've climbed that hill and finally gotten all the letters in place that we needed. It seemed very surreal today to send out a month's worth of work in an envelope and pray that it gets where it needs to in time. The packet weighed 12.2 ounces and I'm sure that it's "light" compared to what I'll start working on next for our dossier. In fact, I was so nervous that rather than use the pre-purchased $4.90 stamp (so I don't have to get out every time I need to mail something with a 3-year-old), I ended up getting out, waiting in line and asking the clerk at the post office to just be sure I had enough postage. She didn't seem very enthusiastic to help, even when I said, "These are our home study documents that we've been compiling for a month and I just want to be sure it gets there." She printed a $0.00 stamp and stamped something else near my original one and then handed me a receipt. Most people would ask, "oh, really...home study for an adoption? Where from?...etc. etc." But alas, I got no interaction from the clerk who simply wanted me out of her line if I wasn't purchasing anything.

Oh well, it's done. It's on it's way to St. Louis and I pray that I didn't miss anything. I don't want any hold ups. It's strange though...I didn't realize how consumed I've been with this project. When I got home and told Jon it was in the mail he said, "Great, I have my wife back for a while...will you watch a movie with me? No computer, no copies, no books, no checklists?" So, for now, this is the last I'll be working on the adoption stuff for at least a day or two. It's an amazing step in our lives, but it cannot be my entire life.

Almost done...Home Study Docs

It's been a while since I've posted and I thought that I would write a quick note to give you all an update. I've been very busy since receiving our latest packet on the 13th. Those of you who know me well know that if there's a checklist and items to cross off that--regardless of a deadline--I simply MUST complete it as soon as physically possible. I'm quite sure that it's not a record, but in merely 11 days I've managed to compile an insane amount of documents, write my autobiography and get Jon to write his for submission to start our home study.

I was completely overwhelmed by the number and the varied sources these documents had to come from, as I'm sure is evident in my last posting. I was trying so hard to keep it all together and to cross reference everything that's needed as only a photocopy now, but will probably be needed notarized and apostilled for the dossier in just a few weeks...so doing double duty to get it done right the first time. I finally reached my breaking point last weekend and simply cried.

Then, with that out of the way, I started again. Finally a couple days ago, I could see the end in sight and we spent an entire afternoon passing papers back and forth to copy, shred, file, whatever. And now, with Jonathan's help and I'm sure some acts of God, I'm one document away from being able to send it in!  I'm now looking at my postal flat rate envelope with only one sticky note telling me what's left. It's so rewarding to pull those tabs out and throw them away with each successful documentation.

So, once again, my optimism has returned and I can see that we are so close to completing another step in this very long process. Praise the Lord!

A few short thoughts...

So shortly after my last post, another packet arrived! We're starting our Home Study, but before we do I have to have all the necessary documents and paperwork compiled. It's crazy the amount of information needed...please don't hear this as complaining (well, not all of it), but more of a WOW!!! I had no idea it was going to be this much.

• I've been working at least 2 hours every night after Madison goes to bed on paperwork. It's unbelievable the requirements...we need "good physical and mental health" letters from each of our doctors, some of whom are fine to write it...one wants us to come in for an appointment to be sure we haven't had a break down since our last sinus infections :( ... gggrrrr. Yeah, because I'm only spending thousands of dollars to adopt...what's another doctor's appointment to add to the cost?!
• We have to have local police checks, but because we've only lived in our new city two months, that means I need to get with two separate police departments to get checks done on us. Ggrrr.
• I had to start researching which of the two suggested adoption education programs to purchase. We have to complete 10 hours of Hague approved education to be allowed to adopt. I wonder if people would be required to do this much work, research, paperwork and cost, in order to become pregnant and deliver a baby...would there be any children to adopt? Why is it that we who want to love and care for a child without a home, have to work so hard when little to any thought was given to bring them into this world in the first place?
• On a more humorous note, I was given a Prayer Journal from my MOPS group when they asked for those who were expecting or anticipating an adoption. I wasn't going to raise my hand because it's so far out...they lovingly admonished me saying, "you need one more than anyone because you have 3 years to write in it." I retorted by saying, "yeah, it's the longest pregnancy ever...it's longer than an elephant's!" I got a few laughs and then was thankful to have this time to write my personal thoughts to my child in a journal.
• Finally, I was making numerous runs to Mom and Dad's office to make copies and then another day to send faxes...goodness. But then amidst it all, I got my first "baby" gift. Strange...after three pregnancies and Madison's safe arrival, I hadn't really expected anyone to gift during this adoption. However, my mother-in-law gave me a "thank you (for caring for her after a car accident)/baby adoption gift." It's perfect...it's black...shiny...wireless and the most beautiful printer/copier/scanner/fax a person has ever seen! It's not going to match the nursery, but it's exactly what we needed...no more running around crazy with every important document of our lives sitting in my car :). She said, "well, it's not like you're going to be wearing maternity clothes for me to give you."

So, bottom line: I'm exhausted, but can't bring myself to stop. There's more to do and it will all be worth it. Sound familiar? Oh, yeah...when I was pregnant and on bed rest I said the same thing..."it'll all be worth it." It was and this will be too.

Application Phase 2

Last week we got our email stating that we were approved to join the Colombian adoption program and that our second packet of information would be in the mail. I waited...I checked the mail in the pouring rain just waiting for it to come in. Then it arrived and I couldn't wait to read through it all. When I was done reading it, I felt...exhausted! And I hadn't even started filling out all these forms yet!

After sleeping on it, I realized that there's only one way to start and that is to ACTUALLY start. So that's what I did. I began by filling in everything that was easy...name, address, birth dates, etc. It seemed to me that filling in something was better than filling in nothing because I didn't have all the information right at my fingertips. So I got through one form, then another, then another, and finally to the last one, which was 16 sections and numerous subsections of legal jargon. But I got through it, and it's signed.

Then I began joining groups specifically for adoptive families seeking a Colombian adoption through Children's Hope International. I have one document to get notarized and then write our first substantial checks and mail the packet. I think (yes, I'm using the word 'think' because truthfully there's so much that I'm pretty confused as to what step is next) that we then are connected with a social worker for our home study.

So, another step is completed and we've began to allow ourselves some fun with the process. We now pray for our "little baby from Colombia" during Madison's nighttime prayers. We're careful to say "whether it's a little brother or a sister" and she's starting to elaborate...today she said "thank you for my little brother, keep him healthy and brave." Too cute! Jon and I also started playing the "Name Game" on a long drive yesterday. Little steps to start making it more and more real to us.

Now, I'm done...at least until the next packet arrives :).

Application submitted!

On Wednesday we sent our application in to officially begin the adoption of our child from Colombia. Although we hadn't been working on it long, I had expected more "fanfare" when I finally took it to the post office. However, I was starting to get a cold, Jon was driving me around, and truthfully, I just wanted to get it in the mail and get back to my bed. Is that horrible?

I've decided, I don't think so. I think it just reiterates that even though we're starting an adoption, we're still living our day-to-day lives and sometimes that life is boring. Now that I'm on the upside of this three-day cold, I find myself thinking about that application...has it arrived in St. Louis? Will they email me right away to say they got it? Or will it be two weeks before I hear from them? I had hoped to pray every step into the post office that day, but honestly it didn't happen. I've prayed leading up to that day, and now that I'm back amongst the living, I'm praying fervently that I'll get an email even as I write this blog. I just want to know that it's there and that we're officially started. I'm praying that the letter they required from my doctor regarding my cancer would be sufficient and that because it was 16 years ago, it won't hinder our ability to bring another child into our family.

All this to say: Step 1: Completed...now onto the other 4 million steps :).

Adoption Lesson 1: Humility...

In all my excitement about starting this amazing journey, I've posted on Facebook, started the blog, searched Lonelyplanet.com to learn more about the country, and told many friends and family about our good news...never occurred to me to check my spelling :(.

Only after sending a mass email to the four families in Missouri who have used our agency in Colombia did I learn this lesson: humility. The first mother emailed me back and said she'd love to talk with us and "...p.s. Colombia has two Os :D." DUHHH...I've been spelling it like Columbia, Missouri! On top of that, this blog had it spelled wrong in four different places.

It probably wouldn't be that big of a deal, but for those of you who know I'm a former newspaper reporter, technical writer, communications major, and newsletter editor...I should know better to check my facts!

Oh well, I'm sure this is the first of many lessons and probably the first of many on humility that I'll experience along the way. For now, it's given me a renewed desire to learn all I can about this country and their people where my Forever Child is or will be born.

A Step of Faith...

Today marks a big step in our family: We completed our initial adoption paperwork and are beginning the process of finding our forever child in Colombia. We anticipate a 3 year wait, but are excited about each step ahead...even the paperwork and waiting. I believe that the best things come to those who wait and know that in our waiting we'll need to rely on the Lord for patience. We invite you to walk along side us through this journey.