I tried to title this post and came up with about 100 things...none of which capture the complete essence of where we are with our Colombian adoption. I am simply not emotionally capable of going into the details right now, but suffice to say that my phone conversation with our agency today was not good.
Heartbreaking is more likely. I've talked with Jonathan and we are both committed to praying about our future and our family. We are struggling to see WHERE GOD IS in this whole situation. Jon said it best to say "It seems like a CLOSED door, but the CLOSED door doesn't make ANY sense."
I feel like I've been transported back to those hospital rooms years ago where someone told me my babies had died. This feels similar. The baby we prayed for, we loved and longed for, and felt complete peace about coming from Colombia seems to have been ripped from our arms.
So what can you do? Pray, pray, pray. We have SO many decisions to make with little to no information. We have a limited time frame to make those decisions. And, for the love of all things holy, we have to figure out how and what and when to tell Madison about "her little brother or sister from Cumumbalie." Dear God, how am I going to do that?!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
A Bad Feeling...
So in February we received an email newsletter from our agency, Children's Hope International. Our representative there wanted to take the opportunity to address why we haven't seen any referrals coming from Colombia as we had hoped last fall. The news was not hopeful.
"We remain positive about ICBF and the work that they do. We've been placing children through ICBF and Colombia since 2001. However, it seems that with more governmental control, ICBF is not able to do it's job as well as they did in the past. We remain positive about referrals for Colombian families, older children and large sibling groups getting completed in a reasonable time-frame. It's just that all things are taking longer, so referrals for all families look to be longer than in the past. It's the younger children and young sibling groups that haven't seen any movement for quite some time. These are the cases that we are unsure of for the future, as the waits continue to increase for those groups, and again that children are "aging" out due to being in care longer. Things may still happen for these families, it's just that we don't see the wait times decreasing, only increasing."
Jon and I didn't talk much about it at the time because...well...it's just too difficult to talk about. He remains positive that our baby will come. He said he doesn't think much about it other than that the Lord knows when our baby will join our family and that he's not worried about Madison being much older than the new baby. I, on the other hand, think about it constantly. I'm a part of several adoption forums and we just have a lot of people in our lives adopting...all of whom seem to be having much better success with their processes. In all honesty, while I'm thrilled that these kids are finding their forever homes, I just can't help but be jealous.
And that brings me to today...Jonathan's away on another 3-week Army training; my weekend scrap booking with my bestie had to be cancelled because she's sick; and well, frankly, it's that "emotional" time of the month. In other words, it's the Perfect Storm for a breakdown. Add to that I get an email from our agency representative that "I want to have a phone conversation with all families that are currently on the wait list for Colombia for those younger children to talk through everything that we know and don’t know about the future of Colombian adoptions."
I can't say that I'm hopeful she'll have good news for us. I'm supposed to update our customs and immigration paperwork starting in May. I really don't know what our options would be at this point because we are THREE years in to this process in June, never mind the large financial commitment we've already invested, and the fact that our hearts are so exposed. I'm just RAW. If I didn't think it would upset Madison, I'd just let the tears flow as I type.
So now with Jon 1,200 miles away and the weekend ahead of me, I get to stress about her phone call next week. I would covet your prayers for peace and a MIRACLE for our family. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm clinging...like desperately...to this verse: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"We remain positive about ICBF and the work that they do. We've been placing children through ICBF and Colombia since 2001. However, it seems that with more governmental control, ICBF is not able to do it's job as well as they did in the past. We remain positive about referrals for Colombian families, older children and large sibling groups getting completed in a reasonable time-frame. It's just that all things are taking longer, so referrals for all families look to be longer than in the past. It's the younger children and young sibling groups that haven't seen any movement for quite some time. These are the cases that we are unsure of for the future, as the waits continue to increase for those groups, and again that children are "aging" out due to being in care longer. Things may still happen for these families, it's just that we don't see the wait times decreasing, only increasing."
Jon and I didn't talk much about it at the time because...well...it's just too difficult to talk about. He remains positive that our baby will come. He said he doesn't think much about it other than that the Lord knows when our baby will join our family and that he's not worried about Madison being much older than the new baby. I, on the other hand, think about it constantly. I'm a part of several adoption forums and we just have a lot of people in our lives adopting...all of whom seem to be having much better success with their processes. In all honesty, while I'm thrilled that these kids are finding their forever homes, I just can't help but be jealous.
And that brings me to today...Jonathan's away on another 3-week Army training; my weekend scrap booking with my bestie had to be cancelled because she's sick; and well, frankly, it's that "emotional" time of the month. In other words, it's the Perfect Storm for a breakdown. Add to that I get an email from our agency representative that "I want to have a phone conversation with all families that are currently on the wait list for Colombia for those younger children to talk through everything that we know and don’t know about the future of Colombian adoptions."
I can't say that I'm hopeful she'll have good news for us. I'm supposed to update our customs and immigration paperwork starting in May. I really don't know what our options would be at this point because we are THREE years in to this process in June, never mind the large financial commitment we've already invested, and the fact that our hearts are so exposed. I'm just RAW. If I didn't think it would upset Madison, I'd just let the tears flow as I type.
So now with Jon 1,200 miles away and the weekend ahead of me, I get to stress about her phone call next week. I would covet your prayers for peace and a MIRACLE for our family. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm clinging...like desperately...to this verse: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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