Keeping Busy...

So I find it ironic that now that I'm on Day 5 of being snowed in, with all this extra time to be at my desk and computer, I have NO adoption paperwork to complete :). As such, I've been catching up on some reading and some research.

Most recently I finished a book called "Adoption Is a Family Affair." It's written to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close family friends of adoptive parents. It started pretty slow and I almost quit, but I'm glad I continued. In our "parenting preparation" (i.e. home study and Hague training), we were made aware of many of the stumbling blocks our friends and family might have with regard to our adoption. This book addresses many of them for us and if our families read it, then we'll just have to reinforce those items instead of having to bring them all up when they become an issue. Some items of note:

• Recognize that we have done a LOT of research and praying about our adoption plan. We know ALL the options that are out there and this is the one best for us. We chose international over domestic. We chose a country where the child will most definitely NOT look like us. We will NOT "get pregnant" now that we've decided to adopt (I had my tubes tied, people :) ). And we know it's a costly, long way to get to our child, but it's right for us.
• We have been briefed and will continue to do so on how to aid in the "attachment" process for our new child. We have already begun to adjust our thinking about discipline, sleeping arrangements, visitors, how much of our child's birth story to share with whom and when, etc. after our child gets home. Just as biological children respond differently to types of discipline and affection, so will this child. If you see us doing things that are WAY different than they were with Madison, there's a reason. Help us by reinforcing the changes we will potentially have to make.
• It's easy as a family to get more and more excited as you see a pregnant woman's tummy expand. There's a limited and somewhat defined timeline in which this all happens. Our "expectancy" is vague and a long way off...this book gave me permission to think of myself as "an expectant mother" again. I do NOT expect others to do so along with me for FOUR years :)! However, don't wig out on us when I might want to go looking at cribs or baby stuff. It's a way for me to stay excited and connected and proactive in my wait. I've got four years to nest...let's have some fun with it :)!
• Lastly and probably most importantly...our views and language regarding adoption. This book addressed things that I'm sure others will say to me and that I'm sure I've said to others in the past. There are schools of thought called RAL (Respectful Adoptive Language) and "adoptism." The fact that while be it mostly unintentional, there's the tendency to see adoptive families as "not real" and to ask questions trying to learn about the process while not thinking of how we or our adopted child my "hear" those questions. Very interesting stuff to start thinking about and to start implementing in my own thought process as I look to bring our Forever Child home.

Not only have I been spending more time reading, but I've also spent more time on the Internet researching new books for us, for family, for Madison, for our Forever Child. I stumbled upon a great site the other day and even went as far as to make a wish list of fun items to remember as we get closer to bringing our baby home. It's called http://www.adoptshoppe.com/ and it was a lot of fun to start thinking about small jewelry items or life books that I can begin to have to work on or to keep this long-sought-after, long-awaited child, part of our family...even before he or she may even be conceived.

Making good use of my extra time I guess :).

What now?

I can't believe that we only began this journey 5 months, 2 weeks and 1 day ago. The amount of time to paperwork ratio is unbelievable...but it's done. So, let's recap the last two months and look at what's ahead.

There have been a few ups and a few downs along the path, but the good news is our dossier is completed and should have arrived in St. Louis before the notorious Groundhog Day Blizzard of 2011.

First, some downs: after waiting nearly 8 weeks and calling weekly to the FBI in Virginia to check on our fingerprints and background status I was told that they didn't have our prints and we weren't in the system and basically "you need to start over." After a good sob in the car and resigning to do just that, I came home to find my extra set of fingerprints (I've learned to get at least two of everything they say I need). However, I also found a tracking number from the Postal Service for those fingerprints that "never arrived" at the FBI. Then I had PROOF that they signed for them in Virginia October 8! No wonder we can't find terrorists...they can't even run prints when you mail them right to them and they bring them in the building :)! Thankfully, by God's grace, I got an AMAZING night shift employee who had mercy and followed my packet through, getting me to fax in a new form that was now needed, and to my great joy our background checks cleared and were FedExed the next day. It was awesome and surreal to have someone calling me back regularly, "Ms. Fann, this is Joy from the FBI, how are you tonight?" When else in my life would this happen? Just a fun memory, I guess :). Someday I'll tell my kiddo about the night Mommy almost drove to Virginia to confront the FBI for delaying his or her arrival :).

So after all that, we also got our letter telling us when and where to be in St. Louis for our US Customs and Immigration "biometrics" appointment. Sounds official, right? So we booked a hotel, took Madison to Grandma and Grandpa's house, and drove up to St. Louis. We pulled in the hotel parking lot (driving past all the fancy ones downtown by the USCIS) and arrived in the hood! Jon actually had me call from the lot to cancel...couldn't b/c they'd charge us the full amount. So we reluctantly went inside and saw that it was clean and pretty secure so we'd tough it out. We rounded the night out by driving around downtown trying to find a place to eat, meanwhile my car started making a "chitty-chitty, bang-bang, clank", dinner was sub-par, the parking lot attendant was a jerk, and to our dismay a winter storm warning was arriving the next day. We rushed to our appointment, cleared security, and were in and out in 15 minutes. So, yeah, "biometrics" means that Customs wants to run their OWN fingerprints on us...where do they send them? Yeah, you guessed it: the FBI. Don't even get me started on this absurdity. Once again though, God gave us grace. We called our agency and talked to Nichole who assured us that's all that was needed and "no" she didn't understand why they have to do it that way either. We were on the road 3 hours earlier than expected and still ended up driving the last 1.25 hours in a snow storm. Can't imagine what it would have been like if we'd have been on time. Thank you, God!

And now, the up: That form arrived only 2.5 weeks later...on my birthday! So, I rushed around the next day copying the ENTIRE dossier packet, getting a final notary, and 5 apostilles, to send the entire packet in the mail to CHI in St. Louis! We were able to talk to Nichole again, and she clarified a bit of the next steps for us. We were slightly discouraged to realize that we thought we were about 3 years away from a referral. In reality, though, our packet will be in St. Louis for a week to be sure it's complete. Then it's sent to Colombia where it's translated for about 4 weeks. Then, it's sent to ICBF (Colombia's Family Welfare Bureau), where they can take 5-6 months to "approve" our dossier. They'll mail a letter to CHI to tell us and that's when our wait officially starts.

So, if everything goes to perfection, we should be approved in August 2011. That means that we have 3-3.5 years to wait from then for a referral, which we'll review, and if it's the Lord's will, travel to Colombia to pick up our child. So any time between August 2014 and February 2015, we should meet our new child! Pray for us as this time seems SOOOO long.

We're going to focus on the next few months as we prepare for Jon to be deployed. It's great to spend time together as a family, to be proactive as I approach a year as a single parent, and then to dream about the joy of reuniting as a family and meeting the child God has for us. Madison is excited to meet the baby from "Comumbalie," (she's still correcting us when we pronounce Colombia correctly) although she's decided she wants a sister. We told her it was God's decision, so she's praying He'll bring us a girl :). We're praying, too...just for peace, patience, and God's will and timing for our Forever Family. Thanks for your prayers, too.